Having to Pivot on the Fly

I read this article last week that really struck me about how when faced with a challenge there are two kinds of people: those who throw up their hands and say, “I can’t cope!” or those who say “Bring it on!”.  Of course we’re probably all somewhere in between but I was tested a few weeks back when I found out my son would be graduating from high school a whole year early.

Instead of feeling excited at the cool accomplishment my first reaction was to feel overwhelmed at the idea that he would lose a whole year and have to basically fastrack high school.  I felt like we had to pivot quickly .  Something I feel I’m pretty good at but this felt different because of how much emotion was embedded in it.

It turns out in the article published in the journal BMJ Mental Health, the research found that being better able to cope with difficult life circumstances was linked to a lower risk of death from all causes in older adults. The findings were derived by analyzing data from the Health and Retirement Study, a long-term survey of Americans ages 50 and over.

Resilience scores were determined through a self-assessment of qualities like perseverance, calmness, a sense of purpose, self-reliance, and the recognition that certain experiences must be faced alone. Those who scored higher on the scale had a lower risk of all-cause mortality by as much as 38% compared to those who scored the lowest. Try these tips to boost your coping skills.

One of the things I realized I first needed to do was to separate the facts from the emotion after spinning my wheels for a few days and perseverating on the problem and not getting anywhere.  Here are the steps I took to feel better, more grounded and in the moment.  

Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed the 3 steps that help me gain some clarity are:

• Take a deep breath (or 10 :)

• Make a list (getting your ideas down on paper really helps)

• Prioritize that list.  What needs to be done first.  Then next.

  When is the last time you said Bring it On?

Discover Your Ikigai: Find Your Reason For Being

I read a book a few years ago called Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles.  I was hooked from the first page.  The book talks about how the people of Okinawa, Japan have the most centenarians in the world and one of the reasons is because of their “Ikigai”.

Ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning "reason for being," is the intersection of passion, mission, vocation, and profession. It's where what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for come together in perfect harmony, creating a sense of joy and purpose in life.  It’s really your reason for getting up in the morning.

There are specific questions you ask yourself to uncover yours.  Answering these questions can lead you to your ikigai—a clear starting point for organizing your time, space, and priorities around what truly matters to you.

As a coach, I've seen firsthand how discovering one's ikigai can transform how we approach both life and work. It forms the foundation for aligning your activities with your deepest values and passions, ensuring that each day begins with clarity and purpose.

Ready to explore your ikigai and start living with intention? Click here to access your free  guide that will walk you through the process step-by-step.

Here’s to finding your ikigai and making space for what brings you joy and fulfillment!

Expert Tips for Helping Your Loved One Move to a Retirement Home

Do you have a family member transitioning into a retirement community or assisted living? If so, you understand the emotional and physical labor required to make this transition smooth and positive for your loved one.

In recent months, I’ve made multiple trips to the East Coast to assist my family with my uncle's move. He needed to relocate from Philadelphia to Virginia due to the challenges of living alone as he aged. This experience highlighted the importance of careful planning and organization in making such a transition successful.

Just a few weeks ago, I returned to Virginia to help clear out the rest of my uncle’s house. My parents, who are almost 80, were emotionally and physically exhausted, and I could see how much they needed my help.  These are the steps I took to help empty his house and get him into a retirement community.

 Steps to Empty the House

• Multiple Trips to the Dumpster: It was essential to clear out unnecessary items in an organized manner.
  

• Creating Donation Piles: We sorted through belongings to identify items that could benefit others through thrift stores.
  

• Listing Items for the Dump: We categorized items that were no longer usable or needed.
  

Facilitating the Transition to a Retirement Community

Helping my uncle transition into a retirement community involved several key steps:

• Identifying the Right Home: Finding a community where my uncle felt comfortable was our top priority.
  

• Sorting and Choosing Belongings: We carefully selected items that would make his new home feel familiar and comfortable.
  

• Coordinating Donations and Disposal: Working with neighbors, we organized what to donate, what to dispose of, and what keepsakes to keep.
  

• Realtor Coordination: I found and coordinated with a realtor to list his home on the market.
  

• Preparing the Home for Sale: This included organizing cleaning and necessary repairs to ensure the home was market-ready.
  

While the physical tasks were demanding, the emotional conversations were equally significant. Ensuring that my uncle felt heard and supported throughout the process was crucial. My experience in organizing and managing these transitions can help others facing similar challenges.  If you have a loved one that needs help with this process I’d love to chat.

Taking Some Quiet Time

I've been doing this thing lately, taking an hour in the afternoon as my "quiet time." When I was a kid, my mom would enforce quiet time after our morning swim and dive practice at the pool and after we ate lunch in the summer. Although we disliked the concept, we looked forward to it during practice each day. In the afternoon's white heat, our blinds closed we didn’t have to nap, but we could read. As long as we were quiet. 

Now that I'm a mom, I'm pretty certain my mom started this quiet time for her peace of mind, but over time, it instilled this love for peace and quiet in the afternoon.

Cut to 2024, after breast cancer and a full hysterectomy, I’ve realized I need some down time in my day. I may lay down on my bed and sleep. I slept for an hour and a half the other day. Some days I may lay down and stare out the window. I love gazing at and daydreaming under the gorgeous cypress tree located in my neighbor's yard next door.

I notice that when I take this time I’m in a much better mood when I’m making dinner in the evening. I’m more refreshed. I have energy to do a few chores before bed.

What would you do with some quiet time each day? 

My Non-Negotiables

I first heard the phrase non-negotiables at a yoga retreat.  It reminded me of a business term and was interested in what it had to do with yoga.  The teacher explained that if we don’t honor our body by listening to it each day we can get into trouble.  We can get grumpy, can’t sleep and worse get sick. 

Our assignment was to list 5 things we couldn’t live without each day.  Bare bones.  As in physically.  She mentioned things as basic as drinking water and eating nutritious food.  Maybe movement would be on our list or singing. Here’s mine:

• Water
  

• Eating nutritious food
  

• Quiet time (reading, zoning out and no device)
  

• 8-10 hours of sleep each night
  

• Movement
  

And on a perfect day I’d also get sunshine on my face and spend time with family and friends. 

If you struggle with every one of these every day, you are not alone.  If I’m lucky I get two of them right a day, some days more.  But the older I get the more I realize how important they are.  For instance, if you struggle with drinking enough water try different water bottles or adding yummy things like lemon to make it taste better.

What are your non-negotiables?  

What  helps you move through the day with more ease?  

I’d love to know what yours are.

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If you ever feel buried under your schedule, have too many things going on or just feel overwhelmed, I’d love to talk to you.  Book a call here and let’s powwow about how I can help you feel more grounded and mindful in your day to day.  

How much fun are you having?

I think I received at least 5 things in my inbox this week that had to do with having more fun.  Maybe it’s a hint from the universe.  There were articles from the New York Times, webinars hosted and things posted on Instagram.  It really made me think more about what having fun really means to me.  Personally, I know that I need and want to have more fun in my life.  Laugh more.  Have more deep belly laughs.  I can’t remember the last time my face hurt from smiling too much.  I want that in my life.  Do you?

I especially loved this article from NPR that listed 5 easy ways to make sure you’re having more fun.

• Stop worrying about how happy you are.  In contrast, having fun is pretty easy to achieve.
  

• Find your FUN magnets. Are there activities that you’d like to try that sound fun?  It’s really what tickles your sense of delight.
  

• Put fun on the calendar.  Once you identify what’s fun to you, schedule more of it.  
  

• Unplug.  Technology can be the enemy of fun.  We’re always connected to our phone.  Checking that last email.  And that means we’re not present.  Real fun involves sensory experiences and often interactions with others.
  

• Share the fun and amplify it.  Try sharing what brings you delight with others. Send your friend a silly photo that makes you laugh.
  

  What will you do for fun this week?